A local sheriff (Brendan Gleeson) pulls a diver out of Black Lake (they wanted to call it Lake Placid, but that name was already taken), only to find that he’s been bitten in half. What they find is a tooth, and this gets sent to a museum for analysis.

The tooth ends up in the hands of Kelly Scott (Bridget Fonda), who doesn’t usually do field research, and most certainly not in Maine. But because her boss – and boyfriend – has decided to do a little extra-curricular activity of his own with her friend, she ends up in the backwoods. This may or may not be a good choice.

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The small African nation of Sierra Leone is situated next to Liberia, and while Liberia produces billions of dollars of diamonds annually, Sierra Leone produces virtually none. The reason for this, at least according to this movie, is that the diamonds within Sierra Leone are taken by rebel forces and then sold to fund their rebellion.

In the process, countless families are broken up, with the lucky ones killed off immediately, but many others left maimed, physically or emotionally (or in many cases both). The healthy men are used for mining these diamonds, while the youth can be taken to replenish the forces that are killed in the process of doing so. It’s not a pretty sight.

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The rumor says that if Elektra (Jennifer Garner) is going to kill you, she will whisper in your ear before you even know that she is there.

As the movie opens, we see that Elektra can indeed defeat an entire army of people who have been assigned the task of defending a single person. Naturally she gets past them without so much as breaking a sweat or even making it seem like a difficult task. But that is what she does.

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The fifth movie in the American Pie franchise sets several new bars.

First and foremost, it’s probably the worst in the bunch, though American Wedding really wasn’t very good either. At best, I’d have to say that they tied for last in this department.

Second, Mr. Levenstein (Eugene Levy) makes another cameo here, like he did in American Pie Presents Band Camp, but the ties to the original are getting weaker all along.

In fact, without that, Mr. Levenstein’s story about Jim and Michelle, a brief mention of “Great Falls” and the fact that the main character here (as well as in Band Camp) were named “Stifler”, there would be no tie at all to the original story. Not that that’s bad. Just a thought.

Just like in American Wedding and Band Camp, the language is ratcheted up a notch, but unlike in those two, it keeps going pretty much throughout here. To match it, there are also some reasonably gross scenes as well. I hope you’re ready.

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When Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) receives a $10,000 advance from his publisher, he and his wife decide that it’s finally time to make the leap. They purchase a house in the country, and leave the city behind.

The first glimpse of their new home is a wonderful one. The town of Redbud, perhaps not, but then, we don’t really see much of it, as the Farmers appear to be on the outskirts of town. So much so, in fact, that their moving van can’t find them until the next day, and it means that they have to suffer through the first night without a change of clothes, without furniture, and without even anything to eat.

In retrospect, they should perhaps have taken this as a sign and moved back to the city.

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Matt Stifler (Tad Hilgenbrink) wants to be just like his big brother. This is, presumably, the same character played by Eli Marienthal in American Pie and American Pie 2 – that character was just named “Stifler’s Brother”.

In any case, he can’t get big brother Steve to give him the time of day. So he figures that what he can do is make enough noise to get him to notice him in other ways. He decides to sabotage the school band that’s getting ready to play during some sort of graduation ceremony.

Unfortunately, what happens is that not only does he ruin the ceremony, but he exposes himself to the entire crowd, and he gets himself in so much trouble that he gets sent to the one place that no Stifler should ever want to end up. In fact, it’s the one place that no one would want any Stifler to be. He gets sent to Band Camp.

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Young Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) was born in the back seat of his daddy’s car, as his mom was trying to get to the hospital. Unfortunately his dad decided that it was just time to go fast.

A few years later, we stop in on Ricky in elementary school, and it’s career day. As the teacher calls on him, and he tells her that his dad isn’t there, suddenly his dad shows up, to tell everyone that he’s a race car driver, and to dispense the ultimate wisdom: “If you’re not first, you’re last.”

It is these words that Ricky Bobby will live by for quite some time.

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At the site of a lavish celebratory party, thrown by a Japanese company wanting to celebrate their purchase of a US company, the mood turns decidedly unhappy when someone turns up dead on the boardroom table. The fact that it’s a young woman, who is most assuredly not Japanese, is probably not a good sign.

Detective Webster Smith (Wesley Snipes) is called in to investigate, and quickly teamed up with Captain John Connor (Sean Connery). This partner arrangement, where a younger. more inexperienced investigator, would be paired with a wiser, more seasoned man, is quite common for the Japanese. Apparently.

Unfortunately, Webb isn’t too happy about either his new partner or the fact that the Japanese don’t want their party to be disturbed. But life is about to get a lot more interesting for him.

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As Dr. Rae Crane (Lorraine Bracco) arrives in the Amazon jungle, she is met by a number of natives, and the focus of her trip – Dr. Robert Campbell (Sean Connery).

It seems that Dr. Campbell has for some time been operating on his own, without following typical company procedure, such as filing progress reports, and now that his contact has retired, the duty of figuring out just what he is up to down here has fallen to her. She isn’t exactly pleased. But then, neither is he.

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Will Randall (the incomparable Jack Nicholson) is on his way home from a business trip when he strikes a wolf. Who would have thought? A wolf? In this day and age? But still, he hits a wolf. When he gets out to check it, it bites him. What is this world coming to?

Over the next few days, the bite starts to take hold of him, but it’s not all bad – at least, not at first. The wolf seems to have imparted some of its qualities to Will, and he finds that his senses are sharper, and for the first time in a while, he feels more awake (though he had to sleep for twenty hours first). Then he can see without his glasses, hear every little thing that happens and his libido awakens with a vengeance. But that’s just the start.

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