On another indeterminate day, sometime after the original Clerks ended, Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) is headed back to the Quick Stop. Only today is a little different than another day, because as he lifts the door to the store, he sees something different inside. Fire. Lots and lots of fire. At first, he can't believe it, so he simply shuts the door.
Then he lifts it again, verifies that it is indeed fire, and he calls 911.
While the fire department responds quickly to the call, they are too late to save much of anything. The shell of the building is still there, but both the Quick Stop and the video store are gone. Naturally, Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson) doesn't miss a beat, and walks into the store as if nothing is amiss. Only as he is escorted from the building by someone from the fire department does he realize that he left the coffee pot on again.
Fast forward for a while, perhaps a year (only because it's noted later in the movie that they have been working there a year), and we see Dante and Randal working at Mooby's - a fast-food joint that looks suspiciously like an old Burger King. Emblazoned on the window is their logo: Family, Food and Fun. Somehow I can't quite imagine these guys and that logo going together. They fit more with the Quick Stop. But we'll let it slide for now.
For the rest of the movie, we are pounded with a similar fast-paced style of dialogue as with the original Clerks. It's not quite as good as the original, but rarely is it. We also get to meet Emma (Jennifer Schwalbach Smith), soon to be Mrs. Dante Hicks, as they are getting ready to head to Florida for their new life together.
Then there is Elias (Trevor Fehrman), who is focused on Jesus, the Transformers and the Lord of the Rings. And don't forget Becky (Rosario Dawson), the boss at Mooby's, who is trying to hold things together, despite all attempts by Randal to try and screw things up.
Throughout Dante's last day, it's mostly a parade of customers, from Ben Affleck to Jason Lee to Ethan Suplee to Wanda Sykes, and a parade of fast-paced, sexually and racially charged dialogue to go along with it. Eventually, as with most things in this corner of New Jersey, the end result is talk about nothing.
Comedic relief comes in the form of Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith), who have taken to holding up the wall of Mooby's now that the Quick Stop has closed. There's really only one difference. Since he got busted and was forced to go through rehab, Jay is now born-again, and though he's still a drug dealer, he's one with the Lord.
Ultimately the plot comes down to wondering if Dante is going to leave or if he is going to stay, but it's not just about New Jersey and Florida, it's about Emma and Becky, and even Randal. Emma is the girl of his dreams, but she's doing it for her, while Becky loves him for who he is now, not who she wants him to be later. And she's carrying his baby. Randal is, well, Randal, and sure he's selfish, but under it all he wants Dante to be who he wants to be too, not just who someone else wants him to be. That, and he wants to give him one heck of a going away party.
Unfortunately, that party gets a bit out of hand, and the smoke from the generator makes Dante think that Randal has screwed up again, and so he calls 911. Before the fire department gets there, however, Becky and Emma have it out, Elias learns a new appreciation for things he's never imagined, and everyone gets a show that they could never have imagined.
Once the fire department does show up, everyone is carted off to jail, and that's when Randal lays it on the line. He doesn't want Dante to leave, and make a mistake that he'll regret. More importantly, he doesn't want to be left alone. So with the financial backing of Jay and Silent Bob (you read that right), they are going to reopen the Quick Stop and the video store, and try and start a new life together.
The Bottom Line: All's well that ends well, they say, and if you can stomach it, then chances are good you'll enjoy this one. There is plenty here to offend you if you let it, but it's equal opportunity in that department, with sexually offensive and racially offensive material, as well as plenty of language thrown in, and even a good bit of argument over which movie epic is better. It's not for everyone, but if you don't mind pushing the boundaries, you'll probably like it. If you liked the first one, chances are you'll like this one, though probably not quite as much.
Rated R for pervasive sexual and crude content including aberrant sexuality, strong language and some drug material.
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