It used to be that I was a big fan of vampire movies. I think the first one that I ever saw cast George Hamilton in Love at First Bite, which made no sense. The man who insured his tan was a vampire? It was more a comedy than a horror film. It probably isn’t relevant, except perhaps the makers of this film were similarly influenced, and that is why they named their film what they did (George Hamilton, The Hamiltons, I don’t know).

Regardless, I’m starting to think that whenever I see a film dubbed “the thinking person’s horror film”, I should run the other way. Let’s face it – horror fans don’t want to think. I really don’t consider myself a fan of blood and gore, but I also don’t want a complete snore-fest either, and that’s really what I found here, along with most of the other movies from the 2006 After Dark Horrorfest.

While I have no problem thinking here and there, I try and keep it to a minimum while I’m watching movies – that is, after all, why I watch movies. They are escapes from reality. I don’t mind a stray thought now and again, but I don’t want to have to keep up with every moment or to have to follow every minute nuance that goes by. It’s too much work.

Here, we get to see a family of orphaned vampires – at least I think that is what we were watching – try and live out a normal life. The problem is that they can’t. I mean seriously, with all the reports you can find online about child predators and crim reports and whatnot, how long do you think a family of vampires is going to last in your neighborhood? Only so many people can go into that house and never come out.

A movie like this belongs on Lifetime. Throw in some sex with the neighbors and take away the vampires, and that’s where it would be.

Rated R for strong violence, language and some sexual content.

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Actor: Al Liner, Actor: Andrew Casden, Actor: Brittany Daniel, Actor: Corky Cornett, Actor: Cory Knauf, Actor: Hannah Weiss, Actor: Jackie Honea, Actor: Jaclyn Chessen, Actor: Jason Pennetta, Actor: Jena Hunt, Actor: Joe Egender, Actor: John Krause, Actor: Joseph McKelheer, Actor: Larry Laverty, Actor: Lucas Schulte, Actor: Mackenzie Firgens, Actor: Nathan Parker, Actor: Nicholas Fanella, Actor: Nicole Storkson, Actor: Rebekah Hoyle, Actor: Samuel Child, Actor: Tara Glass, Actor: Tim Tracy, Director: Mitchell Altieri, Director: Phil Flores, Rated: R, Year: 2006