Celluloid Heroes

When Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) wakes up, he knows that he doesn't want to go to school. He's ready to take a day off and stop to take a look around. If you don't, life just might pass you by. But in order to do that, he has to convince his parents that he's sick enough to stay home, but not sick enough to go to the doctor.

In order to do that, Ferris gives us his plan. He's going for the clammy hands. While he's bent over from coughing, he licks the palms, which gives them the wet feeling. He also gives us a point-by-point on-screen blow of why not to go for a fever (you might end up at the doctor's office). Which is a little odd, really, because the on-screen thing isn't used elsewhere. But it works, and his parents head to work and he has the day off. Now he just has to get through it.

Read All of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 27, 2007 in Comedy

On another indeterminate day, sometime after the original Clerks ended, Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) is headed back to the Quick Stop. Only today is a little different than another day, because as he lifts the door to the store, he sees something different inside. Fire. Lots and lots of fire. At first, he can't believe it, so he simply shuts the door.

Then he lifts it again, verifies that it is indeed fire, and he calls 911.

Read All of "Clerks II (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 27, 2007 in Comedy

A seemingly never-ending line of dirt-encrusted men, women and at least one child prepare to be hanged in the gallows, all to appease Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) and his war on the pirates. As they march endlessly towards their doom, a cryer announces that item after item is suspended. No longer can people gather, demonstrate or even have lawyers. Instead, they can just die.

Then, a young lad, clutching a piece of eight, begins to softly sing. The song is gradually picked up by each of the others in line behind him, until it seems that everyone is singing the haunting song. This seems to do nothing more than infuriate Beckett.

Read All of "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 26, 2007 in Adventure

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is ready to treat the family to a completely new sort of vacation - in Las Vegas! Of course, if you know Clark, you know that he doesn't always think things through, and though his plan this time around seems to be to spend time with his family (as always), he is sidetracked (as always) by the allure of making easy money at the gambling tables.

Naturally he is joined by his lovely wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), and they also bring along kids Audrey (Marisol Nichols) and Rusty (Ethan Embry). As with the prior films in the "series", in this go-round where the kids are played by different actors than their predecessors.

Read All of "Vegas Vacation (1997) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 11, 2007 in Comedy

A local sheriff (Brendan Gleeson) pulls a diver out of Black Lake (they wanted to call it Lake Placid, but that name was already taken), only to find that he's been bitten in half. What they find is a tooth, and this gets sent to a museum for analysis.

The tooth ends up in the hands of Kelly Scott (Bridget Fonda), who doesn't usually do field research, and most certainly not in Maine. But because her boss - and boyfriend - has decided to do a little extra-curricular activity of his own with her friend, she ends up in the backwoods. This may or may not be a good choice.

Read All of "Lake Placid (1999) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 28, 2007 in Thriller

The fifth movie in the American Pie franchise sets several new bars.

First and foremost, it's probably the worst in the bunch, though American Wedding really wasn't very good either. At best, I'd have to say that they tied for last in this department.

Second, Mr. Levenstein (Eugene Levy) makes another cameo here, like he did in American Pie Presents Band Camp, but the ties to the original are getting weaker all along.

In fact, without that, Mr. Levenstein's story about Jim and Michelle, a brief mention of "Great Falls" and the fact that the main character here (as well as in Band Camp) were named "Stifler", there would be no tie at all to the original story. Not that that's bad. Just a thought.

Just like in American Wedding and Band Camp, the language is ratcheted up a notch, but unlike in those two, it keeps going pretty much throughout here. To match it, there are also some reasonably gross scenes as well. I hope you're ready.

Read All of "American Pie Presents The Naked Mile (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 21, 2007 in Comedy

When Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) receives a $10,000 advance from his publisher, he and his wife decide that it's finally time to make the leap. They purchase a house in the country, and leave the city behind.

The first glimpse of their new home is a wonderful one. The town of Redbud, perhaps not, but then, we don't really see much of it, as the Farmers appear to be on the outskirts of town. So much so, in fact, that their moving van can't find them until the next day, and it means that they have to suffer through the first night without a change of clothes, without furniture, and without even anything to eat.

In retrospect, they should perhaps have taken this as a sign and moved back to the city.

Read All of "Funny Farm (1988) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 20, 2007 in Comedy

Matt Stifler Tad Hilgenbrink wants to be just like his big brother. This is, presumably, the same character played by Eli Marienthal in American Pie 2 - that character was just named "Stifler's Brother".

In any case, he can't get big brother Steve to give him the time of day. So he figures that what he can do is make enough noise to get him to notice him in other ways. He decides to sabotage the school band that's getting ready to play during some sort of graduation ceremony.

Unfortunately, what happens is that not only does he ruin the ceremony, but he exposes himself to the entire crowd, and he gets himself in so much trouble that he gets sent to the one place that no Stifler should ever want to end up. In fact, it's the one place that no one would want any Stifler to be. He gets sent to Band Camp.

Read All of "American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 19, 2007 in Comedy

Young Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) was born in the back seat of his daddy's car, as his mom was trying to get to the hospital. Unfortunately his dad decided that it was just time to go fast.

A few years later, we stop in on Ricky in elementary school, and it's career day. As the teacher calls on him, and he tells her that his dad isn't there, suddenly his dad shows up, to tell everyone that he's a race car driver, and to dispense the ultimate wisdom: "If you're not first, you're last."

It is these words that Ricky Bobby will live by for quite some time.

Read All of "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 17, 2007 in Comedy

Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) has just suffered another in a long line of failures. So when accountant Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick) comes to do the books, and notices that he collected more money than he put out, he's not too anxious to worry about such details.

But when Leo makes the comment that it's actually easier to come up with deductions and make money on a losing production than it would be to do so on a success, Max perks right up, and decides that perhaps it's time that he and Leo go into business.

While Leo may be an accountant, you see, he's always wanted to be a Broadway producer, so the timing is perfect. Max just needs to convince Leo that it's worth the effort.

Read All of "The Producers (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 9, 2007 in Comedy

As Jack (Thomas Haden Church) approaches his wedding date, he has just one plan: To spend a week in wine country with his friend Miles (Paul Giamatti).

There they will, of course, drink wine. They will play golf. And there the plans diverge. That's about all that Miles has planned, except perhaps for a few good meals. But Jack also plans to make sure he has a few last rolls in the hay, to get it out of his system before he gets married. Miles probably wouldn't approve.

Read All of "Sideways (2004) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on February 3, 2007 in Drama

During the daily grind, it seems as if we may never get out. For the Harvey family, that all changed one day when family leader Martin Harvey (Martin Short) gets a message that they have been left a sailboat once owned by Clark Gable. All they have to do is pick it up from Saint Pomme de Terre (loosely translated as 'Saint Potato').

This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a family vacation, especially since this boat may be worth a quarter of a million dollars. After contacting a yacht broker in Miami, they get a captain who will meet them there and help them sail the boat back to the US. Unfortunately, once they see the boat, they determine that it's not quite what they expected. It's seen better days.

Calling the broker, they inquire about what it might be worth in less-than-perfect condition. Sensing that the boat is a pile of junk, the broker sends a local captain instead - Captain Ron (Kurt Russell).

Read All of "Captain Ron (1992) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on January 22, 2007 in Adventure

When Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) wakes up, he knows that he doesn't want to go to school. He's ready to take a day off and stop to take a look around. If you don't, life just might pass you by. But in order to do that, he has to convince his parents that he's sick enough to stay home, but not sick enough to go to the doctor.

In order to do that, Ferris gives us his plan. He's going for the clammy hands. While he's bent over from coughing, he licks the palms, which gives them the wet feeling. He also gives us a point-by-point on-screen blow of why not to go for a fever (you might end up at the doctor's office). Which is a little odd, really, because the on-screen thing isn't used elsewhere. But it works, and his parents head to work and he has the day off. Now he just has to get through it.

Read All of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 27, 2007 in Comedy

On another indeterminate day, sometime after the original Clerks ended, Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) is headed back to the Quick Stop. Only today is a little different than another day, because as he lifts the door to the store, he sees something different inside. Fire. Lots and lots of fire. At first, he can't believe it, so he simply shuts the door.

Then he lifts it again, verifies that it is indeed fire, and he calls 911.

Read All of "Clerks II (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 27, 2007 in Comedy

A seemingly never-ending line of dirt-encrusted men, women and at least one child prepare to be hanged in the gallows, all to appease Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) and his war on the pirates. As they march endlessly towards their doom, a cryer announces that item after item is suspended. No longer can people gather, demonstrate or even have lawyers. Instead, they can just die.

Then, a young lad, clutching a piece of eight, begins to softly sing. The song is gradually picked up by each of the others in line behind him, until it seems that everyone is singing the haunting song. This seems to do nothing more than infuriate Beckett.

Read All of "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 26, 2007 in Adventure

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is ready to treat the family to a completely new sort of vacation - in Las Vegas! Of course, if you know Clark, you know that he doesn't always think things through, and though his plan this time around seems to be to spend time with his family (as always), he is sidetracked (as always) by the allure of making easy money at the gambling tables.

Naturally he is joined by his lovely wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), and they also bring along kids Audrey (Marisol Nichols) and Rusty (Ethan Embry). As with the prior films in the "series", in this go-round where the kids are played by different actors than their predecessors.

Read All of "Vegas Vacation (1997) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 11, 2007 in Comedy

A local sheriff (Brendan Gleeson) pulls a diver out of Black Lake (they wanted to call it Lake Placid, but that name was already taken), only to find that he's been bitten in half. What they find is a tooth, and this gets sent to a museum for analysis.

The tooth ends up in the hands of Kelly Scott (Bridget Fonda), who doesn't usually do field research, and most certainly not in Maine. But because her boss - and boyfriend - has decided to do a little extra-curricular activity of his own with her friend, she ends up in the backwoods. This may or may not be a good choice.

Read All of "Lake Placid (1999) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 28, 2007 in Thriller

The fifth movie in the American Pie franchise sets several new bars.

First and foremost, it's probably the worst in the bunch, though American Wedding really wasn't very good either. At best, I'd have to say that they tied for last in this department.

Second, Mr. Levenstein (Eugene Levy) makes another cameo here, like he did in American Pie Presents Band Camp, but the ties to the original are getting weaker all along.

In fact, without that, Mr. Levenstein's story about Jim and Michelle, a brief mention of "Great Falls" and the fact that the main character here (as well as in Band Camp) were named "Stifler", there would be no tie at all to the original story. Not that that's bad. Just a thought.

Just like in American Wedding and Band Camp, the language is ratcheted up a notch, but unlike in those two, it keeps going pretty much throughout here. To match it, there are also some reasonably gross scenes as well. I hope you're ready.

Read All of "American Pie Presents The Naked Mile (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 21, 2007 in Comedy

When Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) receives a $10,000 advance from his publisher, he and his wife decide that it's finally time to make the leap. They purchase a house in the country, and leave the city behind.

The first glimpse of their new home is a wonderful one. The town of Redbud, perhaps not, but then, we don't really see much of it, as the Farmers appear to be on the outskirts of town. So much so, in fact, that their moving van can't find them until the next day, and it means that they have to suffer through the first night without a change of clothes, without furniture, and without even anything to eat.

In retrospect, they should perhaps have taken this as a sign and moved back to the city.

Read All of "Funny Farm (1988) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 20, 2007 in Comedy

Matt Stifler Tad Hilgenbrink wants to be just like his big brother. This is, presumably, the same character played by Eli Marienthal in American Pie 2 - that character was just named "Stifler's Brother".

In any case, he can't get big brother Steve to give him the time of day. So he figures that what he can do is make enough noise to get him to notice him in other ways. He decides to sabotage the school band that's getting ready to play during some sort of graduation ceremony.

Unfortunately, what happens is that not only does he ruin the ceremony, but he exposes himself to the entire crowd, and he gets himself in so much trouble that he gets sent to the one place that no Stifler should ever want to end up. In fact, it's the one place that no one would want any Stifler to be. He gets sent to Band Camp.

Read All of "American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 19, 2007 in Comedy

Young Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) was born in the back seat of his daddy's car, as his mom was trying to get to the hospital. Unfortunately his dad decided that it was just time to go fast.

A few years later, we stop in on Ricky in elementary school, and it's career day. As the teacher calls on him, and he tells her that his dad isn't there, suddenly his dad shows up, to tell everyone that he's a race car driver, and to dispense the ultimate wisdom: "If you're not first, you're last."

It is these words that Ricky Bobby will live by for quite some time.

Read All of "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 17, 2007 in Comedy

Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) has just suffered another in a long line of failures. So when accountant Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick) comes to do the books, and notices that he collected more money than he put out, he's not too anxious to worry about such details.

But when Leo makes the comment that it's actually easier to come up with deductions and make money on a losing production than it would be to do so on a success, Max perks right up, and decides that perhaps it's time that he and Leo go into business.

While Leo may be an accountant, you see, he's always wanted to be a Broadway producer, so the timing is perfect. Max just needs to convince Leo that it's worth the effort.

Read All of "The Producers (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 9, 2007 in Comedy

As Jack (Thomas Haden Church) approaches his wedding date, he has just one plan: To spend a week in wine country with his friend Miles (Paul Giamatti).

There they will, of course, drink wine. They will play golf. And there the plans diverge. That's about all that Miles has planned, except perhaps for a few good meals. But Jack also plans to make sure he has a few last rolls in the hay, to get it out of his system before he gets married. Miles probably wouldn't approve.

Read All of "Sideways (2004) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on February 3, 2007 in Drama

During the daily grind, it seems as if we may never get out. For the Harvey family, that all changed one day when family leader Martin Harvey (Martin Short) gets a message that they have been left a sailboat once owned by Clark Gable. All they have to do is pick it up from Saint Pomme de Terre (loosely translated as 'Saint Potato').

This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a family vacation, especially since this boat may be worth a quarter of a million dollars. After contacting a yacht broker in Miami, they get a captain who will meet them there and help them sail the boat back to the US. Unfortunately, once they see the boat, they determine that it's not quite what they expected. It's seen better days.

Calling the broker, they inquire about what it might be worth in less-than-perfect condition. Sensing that the boat is a pile of junk, the broker sends a local captain instead - Captain Ron (Kurt Russell).

Read All of "Captain Ron (1992) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on January 22, 2007 in Adventure