Domino Harvey (Keira Knightley) is a bounty hunter. And it would seem that she’s in some sort of trouble, as she’s in a dimly-lit room, being questioned by Lucy Liu.
We’re told by Domino that most people in her position who found themselves in this predicament may not give anyone up, but in her case, she’s going to give them everything she has – which is good, because otherwise it would be a very short movie. The big problem is that it makes for a very choppy tale.
Willis Newton (Matthew McConaughey) gets out of jail and returns home, only to find that he’s suited to only one sort of work – that of a criminal. So he joins up with two partners, and one of them decides that he’d rather rob banks in the daylight than at night, so they give that a try.
But on the very first bank robbery, that partner is shot, and Willis and the other partner barely get away. So they decide to go (back) to robbing banks at night. The only problem is they need some more bodies to help guard things outside while they are inside. Willis enlists the aid of his younger brothers, and a legend is born.
Terl (John Travolta) is a Psychlo, one of a race of giant, evil, greedy, beings that have taken over the Earth in the year 3000.
He is also something of an outcast among his own race, which is why he has been stuck in the backwaters, ruling over the dump that is the Earth. But he has a plan to make things worthwhile, for he has determined that the planet contains plenty of gold, and he believes that the man-animals can be trained to help him get it, without any other Psychlos knowing about it. With his fabulous new wealth, he can regain a place of prominence on Psychlo and get off of this rock. But this greed will also be his undoing.
This sequel to the 2003 release takes us back to the Baker clan, but this time things have changed a bit. Tom Baker (Steve Martin) is presumably still at a small college, while wife Kate Baker (Bonnie Hunt) has still only written the one book (according to comments in the movie) – yet they are still in the massive house in the city that they purchased, so you have to wonder how they make ends meet.
Nonetheless, life moves on, and the third eldest Baker, Lorraine (Hilary Duff) is graduating high school. This is a time of change for Tom, and change isn’t always good.
The Texas State University Fighting Armadillos just won another championship. Unfortunately, they were also caught cheating on a grand scale. Boosters were giving money to players, the players were using steroids, and just about every violation that could be a violation was found on campus. So the football program has been dismantled. They aren’t allowed any scholarships. The games are blacked out. Boosters aren’t allowed. Players must come from the student body and grades must be maintained. It will be a tough year.
About the only thing they can do is get the best person to run the program, and that’s just what they do. They hire Ed ‘Straight Arrow’ Gennero (Hector Elizondo) as the coach, because he’s widely regarded as not taking anything from anyone.
In fact, he was fired from his last job by the boosters because he wouldn’t allow players to take gifts, so it looks like he’s the perfect man for the job. He brings on his long-time assistant Wally Rig (the great Robert Loggia) to run the defense and they are off and running. At least, if they can put a team together, they are.
When the United States military captures the leader of a terrorist group, it sparks a wave of terrorism in retaliation – notably against New York City. They send in Anthony ‘Hub’ Hubbard (Denzel Washington), the head of the FBI’s counter-intelligence task force, to try and find the source of the terrorist cells and stop the bombings before something more serious happens.
He’s teamed up with CIA agent Elise Kraft (Annette Bening) – a move that doesn’t make either of them particularly happy.
When they don’t seem to be making any progress, and the threat worsens, martial law is declared in Manhattan, and the authorities send in Major General William Devereaux (Bruce Willis), who has no concern for anyone. His job is simply to halt the terrorism with any means at his disposal, and this includes rounding up anyone of Arab descent and placing them into prisoner-of-war camps. As you may imagine, this doesn’t help matters.
Nicholas Van Orton (Michael Douglas) lives a rather boring life. He has a monstrous house, and he comes home to it each night after he moves money around each day as an investment banker.
It appears that he’s done this for some time, running the family business since his father plunged to an early death by stepping off the roof of the family mansion (which seems to be the same one where Nicholas now lives). And that’s about all we know. Well, that and that today is Nicholas’ 48th birthday, the same age that his father was when he plunged to his death. It should be an interesting day.
Young Jamie (Jake Lloyd) wants two things for Christmas. He’d like his dad, Howard (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to spend more time with him, and he’d also like to get a Turbo Man doll.
Howard would like to spend more time with Jamie, but his job keeps him so busy that he just can’t seem to find the time to do it. Luckily, his wife Liz (Rita Wilson) is on the ball. She asked him to get Turbo Man weeks ago. Now they’re sold out everywhere, so there’s no chance he’d be able to find one. Unfortunately, it seems that Howard forgot to actually pick up a Turbo Man doll when his wife asked him to, so it’s going to be a long day.
Alan and Wendy have some marriage issues. Though they are never exactly explained, the need to have regularity makes it seem like they are trying to get pregnant. However, they have two kids already, and later dialogue makes it seem like they are instead simply trying to rekindle a spark. The sort of language that they use isn’t likely to do it (a fact which is pointed out in the movie). So what should they try next? Perhaps pick up a swinger magazine and answer someone’s ad!
No, that won’t do. It’s not going to help meeting a stranger for sex. Let’s look through our phone book and invite them over instead. No, it might be strange at work the next day. Instead, let’s just write our own ad and put it in the magazine and see what sort of responses we get. Yes, let’s do that!
What starts off as a Christmas movie rapidly turns into something drastically different. A young boy and his father pull into a parking space outside a store, and the boy’s father tells him to stay in the car while he goes inside. Not long after, shots ring out and the father comes out, clutching cash in his hand, and then the boy sees his father killed when he is shot by the dying store owner. Then the boy vows to never do drugs or get involved in that kind of life.
Fast-forward twenty years to interviews in a police station, and we meet Russell Stevens, Jr. (Laurence Fishburne), all grown up and turned into a policeman, fighting the kind of thing that killed his father. Now he’s being given a deep cover job to live the kind of life that killed his old man. To do so, he’ll change his name to John Hull move to Los Angeles, get a shabby apartment and become a drug dealer to try and take down some of the most important pieces of an International operation. Getting involved isn’t difficult. Staying separate is.
Welcome to Celluloid Heroes! Here you will find movie reviews of all shapes and sizes. No stone is left unturned, and that is meant quite literally. In fact, you are probably quite unlikely to find the best of the best, as that's something that you can find elsewhere. Here you're more likely to find the dregs of the movie world than anything else.
As to the name? It's actually from a song by The Kinks, and while it may or may not have anything to do directly with the movies, it does mention quite a few movie stars, and things that make you think about movies, and well, it just seemed appropriate. Hopefully you'll agree, and if not, I suspect it won't get in the way too much.
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