Celluloid Heroes

On another indeterminate day, sometime after the original Clerks ended, Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) is headed back to the Quick Stop. Only today is a little different than another day, because as he lifts the door to the store, he sees something different inside. Fire. Lots and lots of fire. At first, he can't believe it, so he simply shuts the door.

Then he lifts it again, verifies that it is indeed fire, and he calls 911.

Read All of "Clerks II (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 27, 2007 in Comedy

A seemingly never-ending line of dirt-encrusted men, women and at least one child prepare to be hanged in the gallows, all to appease Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) and his war on the pirates. As they march endlessly towards their doom, a cryer announces that item after item is suspended. No longer can people gather, demonstrate or even have lawyers. Instead, they can just die.

Then, a young lad, clutching a piece of eight, begins to softly sing. The song is gradually picked up by each of the others in line behind him, until it seems that everyone is singing the haunting song. This seems to do nothing more than infuriate Beckett.

Read All of "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 26, 2007 in Adventure

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is ready to treat the family to a completely new sort of vacation - in Las Vegas! Of course, if you know Clark, you know that he doesn't always think things through, and though his plan this time around seems to be to spend time with his family (as always), he is sidetracked (as always) by the allure of making easy money at the gambling tables.

Naturally he is joined by his lovely wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), and they also bring along kids Audrey (Marisol Nichols) and Rusty (Ethan Embry). As with the prior films in the "series", in this go-round where the kids are played by different actors than their predecessors.

Read All of "Vegas Vacation (1997) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 11, 2007 in Comedy

The small African nation of Sierra Leone is situated next to Liberia, and while Liberia produces billions of dollars of diamonds annually, Sierra Leone produces virtually none. The reason for this, at least according to this movie, is that the diamonds within Sierra Leone are taken by rebel forces and then sold to fund their rebellion.

In the process, countless families are broken up, with the lucky ones killed off immediately, but many others left maimed, physically or emotionally (or in many cases both). The healthy men are used for mining these diamonds, while the youth can be taken to replenish the forces that are killed in the process of doing so. It's not a pretty sight.

Read All of "Blood Diamond (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 22, 2007 in Drama

The fifth movie in the American Pie franchise sets several new bars.

First and foremost, it's probably the worst in the bunch, though American Wedding really wasn't very good either. At best, I'd have to say that they tied for last in this department.

Second, Mr. Levenstein (Eugene Levy) makes another cameo here, like he did in American Pie Presents Band Camp, but the ties to the original are getting weaker all along.

In fact, without that, Mr. Levenstein's story about Jim and Michelle, a brief mention of "Great Falls" and the fact that the main character here (as well as in Band Camp) were named "Stifler", there would be no tie at all to the original story. Not that that's bad. Just a thought.

Just like in American Wedding and Band Camp, the language is ratcheted up a notch, but unlike in those two, it keeps going pretty much throughout here. To match it, there are also some reasonably gross scenes as well. I hope you're ready.

Read All of "American Pie Presents The Naked Mile (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 21, 2007 in Comedy

When Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) receives a $10,000 advance from his publisher, he and his wife decide that it's finally time to make the leap. They purchase a house in the country, and leave the city behind.

The first glimpse of their new home is a wonderful one. The town of Redbud, perhaps not, but then, we don't really see much of it, as the Farmers appear to be on the outskirts of town. So much so, in fact, that their moving van can't find them until the next day, and it means that they have to suffer through the first night without a change of clothes, without furniture, and without even anything to eat.

In retrospect, they should perhaps have taken this as a sign and moved back to the city.

Read All of "Funny Farm (1988) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 20, 2007 in Comedy

Matt Stifler Tad Hilgenbrink wants to be just like his big brother. This is, presumably, the same character played by Eli Marienthal in American Pie 2 - that character was just named "Stifler's Brother".

In any case, he can't get big brother Steve to give him the time of day. So he figures that what he can do is make enough noise to get him to notice him in other ways. He decides to sabotage the school band that's getting ready to play during some sort of graduation ceremony.

Unfortunately, what happens is that not only does he ruin the ceremony, but he exposes himself to the entire crowd, and he gets himself in so much trouble that he gets sent to the one place that no Stifler should ever want to end up. In fact, it's the one place that no one would want any Stifler to be. He gets sent to Band Camp.

Read All of "American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 19, 2007 in Comedy

As Dr. Rae Crane (Lorraine Bracco) arrives in the Amazon jungle, she is met by a number of natives, and the focus of her trip - Dr. Robert Campbell (Sean Connery).

It seems that Dr. Campbell has for some time been operating on his own, without following typical company procedure, such as filing progress reports, and now that his contact has retired, the duty of figuring out just what he is up to down here has fallen to her. She isn't exactly pleased. But then, neither is he.

Read All of "Medicine Man (1992) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 13, 2007 in Drama

Will Randall (the incomparable Jack Nicholson) is on his way home from a business trip when he strikes a wolf. Who would have thought? A wolf? In this day and age? But still, he hits a wolf. When he gets out to check it, it bites him. What is this world coming to?

Over the next few days, the bite starts to take hold of him, but it's not all bad - at least, not at first. The wolf seems to have imparted some of its qualities to Will, and he finds that his senses are sharper, and for the first time in a while, he feels more awake (though he had to sleep for twenty hours first). Then he can see without his glasses, hear every little thing that happens and his libido awakens with a vengeance. But that's just the start.

Read All of "Wolf (1994) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 10, 2007 in Drama

Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) has just suffered another in a long line of failures. So when accountant Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick) comes to do the books, and notices that he collected more money than he put out, he's not too anxious to worry about such details.

But when Leo makes the comment that it's actually easier to come up with deductions and make money on a losing production than it would be to do so on a success, Max perks right up, and decides that perhaps it's time that he and Leo go into business.

While Leo may be an accountant, you see, he's always wanted to be a Broadway producer, so the timing is perfect. Max just needs to convince Leo that it's worth the effort.

Read All of "The Producers (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 9, 2007 in Comedy

On the morning of Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday), an American Terrorist sets off a bomb in an SUV aboard a ferry, killing more than five hundred people aboard, as the fireball sets off another explosion in the boiler, and eventually the remains sink to the bottom of the river.

ATF Agent Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) is assigned the grisly task of figuring out exactly what happened, and as such, he's one of the first on the scene collecting evidence. His partner, who had just taken off for vacation, is nowhere to be found, not even answering his cell phone.

Before long, Carlin is assigned to a special task force researching the event, and finds himself drawn into a special new technology that allows the investigators to look back into the past four-and-a-half days (technically, four days and six hours, but no one seems to notice this, so I'll pretend not to do so either) to see what's happening. The only catch is that this time window is open only for that exact period, and once that time window is gone, it can't be recovered.

Read All of "Deja Vu (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 9, 2007 in Action

When Memphis (Hugh Jackman) drops the egg of his baby penguin during the long, cold, Antarctic winter, he is afraid that he may have literally dropped the ball. But luckily - for him - the baby does hatch, albeit a bit later than the other penguins, and Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman) won't be upset when she returns from the feeding grounds.

But when young Mumble (Elijah Wood) can't seem to find his heart song, Memphis blames himself. In this Disney-fied tale (which is actually by Fox), the penguins grow up, and sing their heart song in order to find their mate. Without such a song, Mumble is not only doomed to live out his life on his own, he is just about a disgrace. To make matters worse, he does this thing... with his feet.

Read All of "Happy Feet (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 5, 2007 in Family

On another indeterminate day, sometime after the original Clerks ended, Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) is headed back to the Quick Stop. Only today is a little different than another day, because as he lifts the door to the store, he sees something different inside. Fire. Lots and lots of fire. At first, he can't believe it, so he simply shuts the door.

Then he lifts it again, verifies that it is indeed fire, and he calls 911.

Read All of "Clerks II (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 27, 2007 in Comedy

A seemingly never-ending line of dirt-encrusted men, women and at least one child prepare to be hanged in the gallows, all to appease Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) and his war on the pirates. As they march endlessly towards their doom, a cryer announces that item after item is suspended. No longer can people gather, demonstrate or even have lawyers. Instead, they can just die.

Then, a young lad, clutching a piece of eight, begins to softly sing. The song is gradually picked up by each of the others in line behind him, until it seems that everyone is singing the haunting song. This seems to do nothing more than infuriate Beckett.

Read All of "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 26, 2007 in Adventure

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is ready to treat the family to a completely new sort of vacation - in Las Vegas! Of course, if you know Clark, you know that he doesn't always think things through, and though his plan this time around seems to be to spend time with his family (as always), he is sidetracked (as always) by the allure of making easy money at the gambling tables.

Naturally he is joined by his lovely wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), and they also bring along kids Audrey (Marisol Nichols) and Rusty (Ethan Embry). As with the prior films in the "series", in this go-round where the kids are played by different actors than their predecessors.

Read All of "Vegas Vacation (1997) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on May 11, 2007 in Comedy

The small African nation of Sierra Leone is situated next to Liberia, and while Liberia produces billions of dollars of diamonds annually, Sierra Leone produces virtually none. The reason for this, at least according to this movie, is that the diamonds within Sierra Leone are taken by rebel forces and then sold to fund their rebellion.

In the process, countless families are broken up, with the lucky ones killed off immediately, but many others left maimed, physically or emotionally (or in many cases both). The healthy men are used for mining these diamonds, while the youth can be taken to replenish the forces that are killed in the process of doing so. It's not a pretty sight.

Read All of "Blood Diamond (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 22, 2007 in Drama

The fifth movie in the American Pie franchise sets several new bars.

First and foremost, it's probably the worst in the bunch, though American Wedding really wasn't very good either. At best, I'd have to say that they tied for last in this department.

Second, Mr. Levenstein (Eugene Levy) makes another cameo here, like he did in American Pie Presents Band Camp, but the ties to the original are getting weaker all along.

In fact, without that, Mr. Levenstein's story about Jim and Michelle, a brief mention of "Great Falls" and the fact that the main character here (as well as in Band Camp) were named "Stifler", there would be no tie at all to the original story. Not that that's bad. Just a thought.

Just like in American Wedding and Band Camp, the language is ratcheted up a notch, but unlike in those two, it keeps going pretty much throughout here. To match it, there are also some reasonably gross scenes as well. I hope you're ready.

Read All of "American Pie Presents The Naked Mile (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 21, 2007 in Comedy

When Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) receives a $10,000 advance from his publisher, he and his wife decide that it's finally time to make the leap. They purchase a house in the country, and leave the city behind.

The first glimpse of their new home is a wonderful one. The town of Redbud, perhaps not, but then, we don't really see much of it, as the Farmers appear to be on the outskirts of town. So much so, in fact, that their moving van can't find them until the next day, and it means that they have to suffer through the first night without a change of clothes, without furniture, and without even anything to eat.

In retrospect, they should perhaps have taken this as a sign and moved back to the city.

Read All of "Funny Farm (1988) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 20, 2007 in Comedy

Matt Stifler Tad Hilgenbrink wants to be just like his big brother. This is, presumably, the same character played by Eli Marienthal in American Pie 2 - that character was just named "Stifler's Brother".

In any case, he can't get big brother Steve to give him the time of day. So he figures that what he can do is make enough noise to get him to notice him in other ways. He decides to sabotage the school band that's getting ready to play during some sort of graduation ceremony.

Unfortunately, what happens is that not only does he ruin the ceremony, but he exposes himself to the entire crowd, and he gets himself in so much trouble that he gets sent to the one place that no Stifler should ever want to end up. In fact, it's the one place that no one would want any Stifler to be. He gets sent to Band Camp.

Read All of "American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 19, 2007 in Comedy

As Dr. Rae Crane (Lorraine Bracco) arrives in the Amazon jungle, she is met by a number of natives, and the focus of her trip - Dr. Robert Campbell (Sean Connery).

It seems that Dr. Campbell has for some time been operating on his own, without following typical company procedure, such as filing progress reports, and now that his contact has retired, the duty of figuring out just what he is up to down here has fallen to her. She isn't exactly pleased. But then, neither is he.

Read All of "Medicine Man (1992) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 13, 2007 in Drama

Will Randall (the incomparable Jack Nicholson) is on his way home from a business trip when he strikes a wolf. Who would have thought? A wolf? In this day and age? But still, he hits a wolf. When he gets out to check it, it bites him. What is this world coming to?

Over the next few days, the bite starts to take hold of him, but it's not all bad - at least, not at first. The wolf seems to have imparted some of its qualities to Will, and he finds that his senses are sharper, and for the first time in a while, he feels more awake (though he had to sleep for twenty hours first). Then he can see without his glasses, hear every little thing that happens and his libido awakens with a vengeance. But that's just the start.

Read All of "Wolf (1994) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 10, 2007 in Drama

Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) has just suffered another in a long line of failures. So when accountant Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick) comes to do the books, and notices that he collected more money than he put out, he's not too anxious to worry about such details.

But when Leo makes the comment that it's actually easier to come up with deductions and make money on a losing production than it would be to do so on a success, Max perks right up, and decides that perhaps it's time that he and Leo go into business.

While Leo may be an accountant, you see, he's always wanted to be a Broadway producer, so the timing is perfect. Max just needs to convince Leo that it's worth the effort.

Read All of "The Producers (2005) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 9, 2007 in Comedy

On the morning of Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday), an American Terrorist sets off a bomb in an SUV aboard a ferry, killing more than five hundred people aboard, as the fireball sets off another explosion in the boiler, and eventually the remains sink to the bottom of the river.

ATF Agent Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) is assigned the grisly task of figuring out exactly what happened, and as such, he's one of the first on the scene collecting evidence. His partner, who had just taken off for vacation, is nowhere to be found, not even answering his cell phone.

Before long, Carlin is assigned to a special task force researching the event, and finds himself drawn into a special new technology that allows the investigators to look back into the past four-and-a-half days (technically, four days and six hours, but no one seems to notice this, so I'll pretend not to do so either) to see what's happening. The only catch is that this time window is open only for that exact period, and once that time window is gone, it can't be recovered.

Read All of "Deja Vu (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 9, 2007 in Action

When Memphis (Hugh Jackman) drops the egg of his baby penguin during the long, cold, Antarctic winter, he is afraid that he may have literally dropped the ball. But luckily - for him - the baby does hatch, albeit a bit later than the other penguins, and Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman) won't be upset when she returns from the feeding grounds.

But when young Mumble (Elijah Wood) can't seem to find his heart song, Memphis blames himself. In this Disney-fied tale (which is actually by Fox), the penguins grow up, and sing their heart song in order to find their mate. Without such a song, Mumble is not only doomed to live out his life on his own, he is just about a disgrace. To make matters worse, he does this thing... with his feet.

Read All of "Happy Feet (2006) Review" »
Posted by Chad Everett on April 5, 2007 in Family